They said he was gone and I didn't know how I would ever go on. To be in this world without the one man I could count on, the one man that never let me down, it had to be, impossibility. All my feelings were going at once. The memories, the talks, the long walks; the hugs, the laughter, the tears. There was no good reason for him to be gone, but the truth of this fact lingered on. I couldn't forget it, no matter how hard I tried. To say, it was unfair would be true, but I am smart enough to know, that bad things happen in this world.
My dad was an amazing man. He made me laugh at life and laugh at myself, almost all the time. He was my confidant, my best friend, and my belief in a world he created. He was a man that worked really hard for everything he had and he made sure me and my brother appreciated that. He put himself through college, no help from anyone. He saw life as something you make for yourself and not something you take. He gave me advice whenever I asked, always knew the right things to say, to put a smile on my face. The man believed that I should try all things and most of all, go after my dreams. He is the very reason I have confidence today. He is the reason I see this world as a good place. He had complete faith in God and always believed in his word and teachings. He never handed me anything, without me working hard for it. However, he would have given anything of himself to make sure I knew I was loved. Yes, my dad was hard to please at times, because he expected a lot. However, he gave more than he expected from others and I guess that’s where I got my good heart. He put many hopes on me like he always said to me "You have to be success and do it better from me."
I love the way he called me "Cah Ayu", "Cantik Ku", "Sayang Papa", and others lovely words.
I love when we were singing our favorite songs in his car.
I love when we were watching Soccer match.
I love the way he angry to me.
He's the caring one. It’s been almost two long months for me since dad has been gone and I am still waking up each morning, finding the strength to go on. It still hurts, I still cry, I still look up to God and ask him why. I wonder if there will ever come a day when my dad is not my first thought of the day. I remember the last words he said to me as he lye in the hospital preparing to leave. He said "be strong, know you are loved, you are my little one". It makes me tear up to even write these words today, even though its been months since they were said. However, I know my dad would want me to write and let my words heal my broken spirit. With all my heart, I know he looks down on me and also always looks after me. I can feel his presence sometimes in my prayers, a song or a memory I linger on.
Each day I get stronger. My dad taught me to love with abandon, never regret and go after all I want in life, no matter what the critics might say. For this I am grateful and for the time I had. I thank God for the precious gift of the greatest man I ever knew, in my dad.
I love you all the way Sutrisno Basuki, from our home with love :-)
Sincere your-forever-after-little-girl, Siti Mariam Ulfa!
